Earmuffs, Youngsters

I receive a package!

It is from an ad agency. I open it to find two Giant Test Tubes of personal lubricant from K-Y, one blue and one purple. No really, they're Giant. Together, they form K-Y's new Yours+Mine product. The Giant Test Tubes scare me; I never was good at chemistry. I read the label. Yours+Mine provides "an invigorating sensation for him. A thrilling sensation for her. Put the two together and suddenly, everything's just right. Better than just right."

"Guess the gays are out of luck," the DNB notes wryly. The singletons are also a fringe target - all of K-Y's racy commercials feature married couples. BECAUSE K-Y LEADS TO FORNICATION, AND FORNICATION WILL MAKE HAIR GROW ON YOUR PALMS.

I won't go into the mechanics of Yours+Mine because this is a family blog, but the product isn't entirely without enjoyable sensations of the decidedly Mommy and Daddy type.

A week later, we're at a posh awards banquet.

This is when, as it happens, I decide to regale our table with the Tale of the Giant Test Tubes.

". . . so I open the package to find two Giant Test Tubes," I recount.

The DNB looks at me, horrified, as he realizes what I'm talking about - this the same man who has farted at dinner so many times I wear a gas mask to the table.

"Yours+Mine?!" two men exclaim simultaneously as the rest of the table perks up.

We spend the rest of dinner debating its relative merits.