S Takes On the DNB's Metrosexuality with His Not Entirely Explicit Permission
Apparently, a magazine for gay men in the UK has a feature where they award "Gay Points" to straight men. According to Ricky Gervais,* as seen on Kathy Griffin's** My Life on the D-List, he was awarded 75 Gay Points straight off the bat for having a bottle of champagne in his refrigerator given to him by George Michael.
So because the DNB is working late and can't defend himself, and because I just wrote two practice essays on Income & Gift Taxes and need a laugh, let's see how he comes out, so to speak.
The DNB's Running Gay Points Tally:
+ 50 for knowing the difference between serum, toner, and exfoliator
- 25 for wearing a black belt with brown shoes (before me, people, BEFORE me)
+ 30 for screaming "Fuck!" during a scary scene in What Lies Beneath
- 35 for endlessly quoting The Big Lebowski and The Bob & Tom Show
+ 20 for driving a teal colored car
- 5 because the car was not a convertible
+ 55 for watching "So You Think You Can Dance" by himself
+ 10 additional for having an articulable opinion on each of the dancers
- 15 for not owning any leather trousers
+ 25 for having his eyebrows threaded
- 20 because I talked him into it
+ 70 for having a piercing below the neck
- 30 for never spending more than $20 on a pair of pants
+ 40 for preferring skin care products from specialty stores
- 25 for not liking Wheatgrass
+ 10,000 for the pose that follows
+ 2,000 additional because he set up the camera, himself, on auto-timer
+ another 5,000 because he took multiple shots trying to get the perfect pose
- 25 for wearing a black belt with brown shoes (before me, people, BEFORE me)
+ 30 for screaming "Fuck!" during a scary scene in What Lies Beneath
- 35 for endlessly quoting The Big Lebowski and The Bob & Tom Show
+ 20 for driving a teal colored car
- 5 because the car was not a convertible
+ 55 for watching "So You Think You Can Dance" by himself
+ 10 additional for having an articulable opinion on each of the dancers
- 15 for not owning any leather trousers
+ 25 for having his eyebrows threaded
- 20 because I talked him into it
+ 70 for having a piercing below the neck
- 30 for never spending more than $20 on a pair of pants
+ 40 for preferring skin care products from specialty stores
- 25 for not liking Wheatgrass
+ 10,000 for the pose that follows
+ 2,000 additional because he set up the camera, himself, on auto-timer
+ another 5,000 because he took multiple shots trying to get the perfect pose
* I love this man. Seriously. Is he married?
** I also love this woman. She's in my New Top 3.
4 comments:
I find myself not surprised by any of this-- with the possible exception of the "no leather trousers" thing. Seriously, darling, he needs some o' dat.
Well, there's always Christmas!
You need to tell the DNB's sexy arse to return my calls! :) When's the big test day?
Duly noted. July 24-25.
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